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~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly:

Brie Breda  

  • Status: Member
  • Experimental Photographer
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 4h 20m 18s
  • Deviant since Feb 28, 2008, 9:42 AM
  • 44 Deviations
  • 14 Deviation Comments
  • 34 Deviant Comments
  • 448 Pageviews
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Being suicidal is the..

Journal Entry: Sun Apr 13, 2008, 6:02 PM
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Dressed For Friend Requests - DDG
Worst feeling you could ever have..

See through the wreckage
Into the fire inside my heart
Bullet to the head soon you'll be sleeping
Pull this trigger to your antidote

I finally talked with one of my youth pastors at church about everything I've been feeling for the past six months of my life as a thirteen year old. Mostly about how I lost 17 people who were my close friends last year to Suicide, How I lost another one in october, and That depression and Suicide, and worthlessness has been taking over me. He got me into a room with him and his dad, because he was a counselor and he helped me along the way to tell him everything thats been going on. He also talked with my mom while I was in the room and reccomended that I should go to MFS and get an appointment with a Psychiatrist and maybe get some blood tests done so that a doctor can prescribe a medication to help me if thats needed.

I've hidden all of my feelings from almost everyone for six months and I finally broke and told everything. I'd have to say it feels really good that I got it off of my chest, But its still lingering inside me. Everything's just happening so fast right now that I can't even run and catch up to it. Its like Im running on a neverending track that just keeps going until I break down and eventually stop breathing. I havent actually planned what I am going to do for Suicide.. All I've done is just cut myself, but thats basically almost just as worse as the actual action. Some people expect me to forget about all of my friends' deaths in a month, well, that doesnt always happen. I cant forget about it, because death is depressing, and depression is what Its come to I guess.

If you took the time to read this, thanks. Because I really do appreciate it. Even though I think i should be posting this somewhere else. x:


Leaving for Washington on Tuesday.
Birthday on Thursday.

3 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 14 [April 17th, 1994.]
  • Current Residence: New Hampshire
  • Interests: Photography, Macro Photography, Music, Drawing, Art
  • Favourite band or musician: I'll most likely listen to any band that you throw my way/recommend to me.
  • Favourite genre of music: Metalcore, Screamcore, Screamo, Rock
  • Shell of choice: Bullet shells o:
  • Tools of the Trade: Canon Powershot

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~Charlie-k:iconCharlie-k: 1 day 16 hours ago
thank you very much for the :+fav:!!!

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Inigo
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: 4 days 16 hours ago
OHOH.
No, i actually dont.
I wish I owned a Leica though ;-;

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
*ajuk:iconajuk: 5 days 3 hours ago
That's the camera in your avater!!

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:olya: :hump: :matrixfight: :licking: :horny:
When you cant go on
When it gets darker

Insert clever comment here!
~jezusowa:iconjezusowa: 6 days 5 hours ago
:hug:

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sexual pervers! :analprobestare:
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: 6 days 10 hours ago
You're welcome!
You have an amazing gallery(:

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: May 8, 2008, 12:06:50 PM
A Leica? oB
I'm not sure if i know what you mean..

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
*ajuk:iconajuk: May 7, 2008, 2:33:20 PM
No way to you own a Leica?

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:olya: :hump: :matrixfight: :licking: :horny:
When you cant go on
When it gets darker

Insert clever comment here!
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 21, 2008, 11:11:49 AM
You're welcome!
Your pictures are so beautiful!

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~Psillocybin:iconPsillocybin: Apr 21, 2008, 7:28:21 AM
thank you:heart:

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[I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind..]

Myspace: [link]
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 21, 2008, 6:27:17 AM
Aww thank you!<3.
I had a wonderful birthday.(:

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 21, 2008, 6:26:40 AM
You're welcome (:

--
Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
*RedAssassin:iconRedAssassin: Apr 15, 2008, 4:48:28 AM
Happy Birthday sweety! :party:
(Pleese don't tell me it's the wrong day :blushes:) but, I thought it was today, so I'm still sending happy thoughts and fancy words :) hope you have a superb day and get loads of gifts! :D
Tons of birthday:hug:s to you sweety :)

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Random Pronography! [link]
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 13, 2008, 6:04:03 PM
You're welcome.
And thank you for the favourites.

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~apocalove:iconapocalove: Apr 12, 2008, 6:38:59 AM
thanks so much for the :+fav: and the :+devwatch: :D :hug: :D

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:) Imagination is more important than knowledge- Albert Einstein :)
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 11, 2008, 4:30:37 PM
You're welcome (:

--
Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~orlandoo:iconorlandoo: Apr 11, 2008, 3:12:40 PM
Thanks for the fav. ^_^
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 11, 2008, 1:35:22 PM
Noo problemos (:

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
~RaiChi123:iconRaiChi123: Apr 10, 2008, 5:53:08 AM
BRIEBRIEEEEEEE<3333 I missed you :) :heart: :glomp: thanx for the watch sweetie

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~I am Free. I am me. I love all my friends~ If you got MSN Aim Or Yahoo. Feel free to ask to add me~~~ I am Emo I am Crazy nd insane. Im Teh one and only ShadowWolf.
~Omg GaaSaku!> [link]
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Apr 9, 2008, 3:23:49 AM
You're very welcome, Faruk. (:

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Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
*RedAssassin:iconRedAssassin: Apr 9, 2008, 1:37:34 AM
Thank you for the fav darling.. :)

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Random Pronography! [link]
~EclecticMusicGuy:iconEclecticMusicGuy: Apr 3, 2008, 10:45:53 AM
:D tis Brie!!

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I hate signatures........... oh damn!...
~ShutterButterfly:iconShutterButterfly: Mar 15, 2008, 6:25:04 AM
yennna-wolf ;o
(: :heart: :hug:

--
Check out my youtube account. Im updating it soon.
[link] cB

This boy once told me I was beautiful, i didn't believe him.
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